Online Dating - Connect With First Email

You have a killer online profile, you think. If you're not sure it's good, read my post Online Dating Profile Mistakes to ensure you have no red flags to impede a perspective dater from being receptive to your profile. When you know that your profile is on track, the next logical question is... how do you connect with someone?

It’s important to be proactive when dating online. You have to remember that it’s a numbers game, pretty much like offline dating. If you don’t put the energy into reaching out to other daters, you will be waiting around hoping for someone to find you. Usually you will have a lot of inquires when you first sign up, but after the first 30 days, you will have to make a greater effort.

Many people make the mistake in giving up too quickly when they don't receive immediate responses. Don't take it personally. Online dating is a slippery slope, you must develop a thick skin. Online courtship is not for those who are easily offended, or have shaky self-esteem or don't react well with rejection. You have to build a tolerance because most of your messages will go unanswered but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong you. There are a multitude of reasons why someone won't respond to you.

Maybe you look too much like their ex, or you have cats and they are deathly allergic, or they just got serious with someone they're dating. There are also some people online who really are not interested in meeting anyone to date, they merely want to get an ego boost from a full inbox.

The following are a guidelines for introduction emails.

• Show that you read the profile -  In your email, reference information from their profile. This will indicate to them that you've read what they careful shared with others. People want to be heard.
• Make it easy for them to answer - Generally, this means you should include a query or at least a comment that obviously begs for a response. You don't want to send a message that causes the recipient to struggle to figure out how to respond.
• Be complimentary - Praise is always an easy way to endear people to you. Just limit the praise to something about their personality or accomplishments and avoid physical compliments. Save physical compliments to your in person meeting.
• Be brief - Cap your first message at three or four sentences at the most. No one wants to read a long drawn out email. Keep it short and simple but end it with an open ended question so they have something to respond to. Ask yourself, if you received your written message, could you come up with a few different ways to respond?
  
  People will appreciate the effort. It will be obvious to them you took the time to learn about them, instead of just peering at the pictures and sending a generic message that could be sent to anyone. But remember, you could do everything right and still not get a response back. There are no guarantees. Just put your best efforts into it and let things fall where they may.

Online Dating Profile Mistakes You Should Avoid

Weeding threw online dating profiles can feel a bit daunting but it’s necessary to read them carefully to avoid getting caught up with "time wasters". If you see any of the following written on a perspective profile, BEWARE!

Describes oneself as “average”

If a person describes themselves as an average guy/girl - believe them. Keep in mind an online dating profile is one of the only places where people should try to make themselves sound as interesting as possible.

Pictures are blurry, unclear or missing

You already know people hate this. Many people will proceed with caution or not proceed at all if you do not have pictures on your profile. People know there is always a reason why a person will deliberately not provide or upload blurry pictures. Could it be a little thing called "a spouse" or is it the dreaded 10 year old picture.

Multiple photos of possessions or animals

Why post a picture of your truck or Spotty your dog or Sprinkles your cat. Okay I get it. You love your (fill in the blank) but nobody cares. It’s not saying anything about who you are and it makes you seem a bit boring.

Describes more about who they want to date than themselves

Focusing on your ideal date is fine but not providing enough information about who they are is a big red flag for any perspective dater.

Just looking for new friends

Stay away from anyone who says that. Women DON’T write that. If you are looking for new friends get off the dating site ... this isn’t summer camp. You will confuse and disorientate the men.

Men will say that when they are looking to have sex with someone that they don’t really know or want to take the time to really get to know. But if you are looking for a “no strings attached” situation that’s perfectly fine. But only deal with someone who is completely honest with their intentions and are straightforward about what he/she wants.

Opposites don’t always attract

She’s a smoker but says she doesn’t have to smoke around him. He never drinks alcohol but he doesn't care if she has a cocktail. Think about this down the road. Once the newness wears off and people fall back into their regular routines, their habits will continue whether you like it or not. This is a huge time waster. When you can't be yourself around the person you date.

Complaining in the profile

You haven't been out yet and they have already given a rundown of all of the music, food, movies and types of women/men they hate. Or they whine about their bad break up and how hurt they are still. This is way too much information and clearly this person is trying to get back to dating too soon.

I’ll Tell You Later

Really...come on. If a person can’t take the time out and fill in the information about themselves they're just being lazy or not really serious. It seems like a sort of window shopping in the online dating world.

Hopefully you haven't made any of these mistakes on your own profile but if you are an offender of any of the above, you may want to tweak your profile a bit to get a better reactions and to avoid any misconceptions.