The Art of Flirting

The best flirting technique for both men and women to remember is... Confidence is sexy. 

Display it when you walk into a bar, party or club. You need to ooze confidence. People should feel positive energy emanating from you. Would you want to meet someone who appears to be disagreeable or in a bad mood? 

Scan the room with a pleasant look on your face, people should feel you are approachable. If you see someone attractive, make eye contact and smile. Act interested... but not too interested. You want to convey you are comfortable in your skin and not desperate. 

Think Long - Think Wrong

Guys when you see an attractive woman, spend a few minutes across the room making eye contact and giving your best smile but do not linger. Walk up to her only if she returns the smile.  

You need to introduce yourself and show your confidence within. After the introduction, the hardest thing to master is keeping the conversation going. 

Men should ask ladies about their interests, likes and dislikes. Ask about her work or school. This shows her you're interested in her as a person and not just a hook up. You are not shallow or self-centered.

A man that only talks about himself is very unappealing. Eye contact while talking to a woman is essential. Don’t stand there gawking at her cleavage or butt. If you look below her neck, you are sending a message that you are more interested in her body than in her personality. 

While this may be okay with some women, it doesn’t fly with most. A guy should try to be funny and make a few well-placed jokes. A woman likes a man who can make her laugh but remember not too much you're not in a comedy club. 

Ladies Should Know 

Women flirt differently than men. Granted it does not always take much to get a man’s attention. However, sometimes they are not as clued into the subtle flirting gestures that women exhibit.
So what is the best way to flirt with a man and get his attention? Ladies tend to stay in a group in social setting. Guys can be intimidated by approaching a woman in front of her friends. Ladies remember this. 

After you connect with a smile, give him an opening to you. If you want the man to make the first move, give him a chance by stepping away from the group. This will give your intended the opening he needs to go for it. 

Remember compliments are a big form of flirting. Men respond very well to compliments because it gives him a positive signal you are receptive to his efforts. If you want to emphasize your compliment, lightly touch his hand, arm or shoulder. A touch can let a guy know that you are definitely interested just don't overdo it. The key to all of this is to keep thing flirty, fun and stress free.

Online Dating - Connect With First Email

You have a killer online profile, you think. If you're not sure it's good, read my post Online Dating Profile Mistakes to ensure you have no red flags to impede a perspective dater from being receptive to your profile. When you know that your profile is on track, the next logical question is... how do you connect with someone?

It’s important to be proactive when dating online. You have to remember that it’s a numbers game, pretty much like offline dating. If you don’t put the energy into reaching out to other daters, you will be waiting around hoping for someone to find you. Usually you will have a lot of inquires when you first sign up, but after the first 30 days, you will have to make a greater effort.

Many people make the mistake in giving up too quickly when they don't receive immediate responses. Don't take it personally. Online dating is a slippery slope, you must develop a thick skin. Online courtship is not for those who are easily offended, or have shaky self-esteem or don't react well with rejection. You have to build a tolerance because most of your messages will go unanswered but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong you. There are a multitude of reasons why someone won't respond to you.

Maybe you look too much like their ex, or you have cats and they are deathly allergic, or they just got serious with someone they're dating. There are also some people online who really are not interested in meeting anyone to date, they merely want to get an ego boost from a full inbox.

The following are a guidelines for introduction emails.

• Show that you read the profile -  In your email, reference information from their profile. This will indicate to them that you've read what they careful shared with others. People want to be heard.
• Make it easy for them to answer - Generally, this means you should include a query or at least a comment that obviously begs for a response. You don't want to send a message that causes the recipient to struggle to figure out how to respond.
• Be complimentary - Praise is always an easy way to endear people to you. Just limit the praise to something about their personality or accomplishments and avoid physical compliments. Save physical compliments to your in person meeting.
• Be brief - Cap your first message at three or four sentences at the most. No one wants to read a long drawn out email. Keep it short and simple but end it with an open ended question so they have something to respond to. Ask yourself, if you received your written message, could you come up with a few different ways to respond?
  
  People will appreciate the effort. It will be obvious to them you took the time to learn about them, instead of just peering at the pictures and sending a generic message that could be sent to anyone. But remember, you could do everything right and still not get a response back. There are no guarantees. Just put your best efforts into it and let things fall where they may.

Online Dating Profile Mistakes You Should Avoid

Weeding threw online dating profiles can feel a bit daunting but it’s necessary to read them carefully to avoid getting caught up with "time wasters". If you see any of the following written on a perspective profile, BEWARE!

Describes oneself as “average”

If a person describes themselves as an average guy/girl - believe them. Keep in mind an online dating profile is one of the only places where people should try to make themselves sound as interesting as possible.

Pictures are blurry, unclear or missing

You already know people hate this. Many people will proceed with caution or not proceed at all if you do not have pictures on your profile. People know there is always a reason why a person will deliberately not provide or upload blurry pictures. Could it be a little thing called "a spouse" or is it the dreaded 10 year old picture.

Multiple photos of possessions or animals

Why post a picture of your truck or Spotty your dog or Sprinkles your cat. Okay I get it. You love your (fill in the blank) but nobody cares. It’s not saying anything about who you are and it makes you seem a bit boring.

Describes more about who they want to date than themselves

Focusing on your ideal date is fine but not providing enough information about who they are is a big red flag for any perspective dater.

Just looking for new friends

Stay away from anyone who says that. Women DON’T write that. If you are looking for new friends get off the dating site ... this isn’t summer camp. You will confuse and disorientate the men.

Men will say that when they are looking to have sex with someone that they don’t really know or want to take the time to really get to know. But if you are looking for a “no strings attached” situation that’s perfectly fine. But only deal with someone who is completely honest with their intentions and are straightforward about what he/she wants.

Opposites don’t always attract

She’s a smoker but says she doesn’t have to smoke around him. He never drinks alcohol but he doesn't care if she has a cocktail. Think about this down the road. Once the newness wears off and people fall back into their regular routines, their habits will continue whether you like it or not. This is a huge time waster. When you can't be yourself around the person you date.

Complaining in the profile

You haven't been out yet and they have already given a rundown of all of the music, food, movies and types of women/men they hate. Or they whine about their bad break up and how hurt they are still. This is way too much information and clearly this person is trying to get back to dating too soon.

I’ll Tell You Later

Really...come on. If a person can’t take the time out and fill in the information about themselves they're just being lazy or not really serious. It seems like a sort of window shopping in the online dating world.

Hopefully you haven't made any of these mistakes on your own profile but if you are an offender of any of the above, you may want to tweak your profile a bit to get a better reactions and to avoid any misconceptions. 

Speed Dating Benefits for Men

5 Top Speed Dating Tips for Men

Okay Guys, let's clarify what speed dating is. First of all, it is not a 15 minute impromptu conversation you had with a woman you chatted up while waiting for your always running late friend at the Cheesecake Factory the other evening.

It is a great way to meet a number of people at one time and decide which one you might want to see again. It "date" only lasts four - seven minutes, depending on the Speed dating service. The women stay seated, the men move from table to table. In this time you ask questions to get to know one another, then decide at the end who you want to see outside of this dating arena. 

Sound simple enough? It is, but there are tips that can make this experience more effective when looking for Ms. Right. 

Dress to Impress

This sounds like a given, but some people believe this is a casual setting and dress too casual. Remember, you are still trying to find someone you might like to pursue a relationship with. I’m not suggesting a suit and tie but wear something that shows women you care about your appearance. 

Have Confidence

One of the biggest complaints from women after the event is that most of the men did not communicate or had poor communication skills. This may not have truly been the case. It is quite possible the men were just too nervous or shy. You need confidence going into a speed dating event. If confidence is the issue when at a table, turn the conversation around by asking her a question.

    Open with the Unusual

You have to remember that there are usually 20 to 30 men at speed dating events. If you are unlucky enough to be at or near the end of the line, all the women you are about to meet have already answered the same questions over and over again. "Where are you from?" "What do you do for fun?" "What do you do for a living?"

If you want to stand out from the crowd, ask her something she hasn't heard. "What is your favorite childhood memory?" "If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?" "What are your dreams for the future?" You can still learn a lot about a person with these questions.

Don’t talk about your past relationship

A lot of men make the mistake of telling women about their last relationship, how their ex broke their heart. This makes for a depressing five minutes and completely ruins any chances they may have at getting themselves a date. Be interesting with a twinkling in your eye and a grin on your face.

Dating After the Event

Did you know that 60 percent of ladies attend speed dating events with their friends, while 90 percent of men go alone? So what does this mean for you after the event? Let's say you have 10 matches which equals 10 possible dates. Do not line all of these dates up at once. If you call all 10 at once, lining up dates for different nights of the week, you may be making plans with a group of friends from the event. 

Believe me, the friends will compare notes and view you as a player. You will be considered “The Bad Guy.” Instead, pick the "one" woman you liked the most and call only her first. Hold off on the other ladies until you find out if she attended the event with friends.

Speed dating is an inexpensive convenient option for those looking to meet new people and possibly finding someone to enjoy a few nice dates. The best thing about speed dating services is that it allows you to screen and search for the ideal person that best suits your interests while remaining pretty anonymous.

In the Dating Game... There are Many Players & Playettes.

Here are the key signs to read their playbooks & avoid date defeat
Rooster of Players 

 

Amateur Player

Uniform: casual, dressed for comfort not style

Intention: Hit and Run, to score as quickly and easy as possible

First Date Day: on a Mon, Tues Wed: these nights are unimportant to men so for them to invest minimal time for a one night stand is not a big deal.

Location: local bar or tavern that is convenient to him. The date will be spontaneous and not planned because he always exerts as little effort as possible.

Time of Date: Later in the evening because he has to catch up on all of his sports scores and BS with his friends before he even thinks to call and ask you to meet him at the last minute.

Big Play: to pour as much alcohol down your throat as possible and get you back to his place as soon as possible.

Defense - never be a Mon, Tuesday, Wednesday night date! Respect yourself enough to be a Thu, Fri, or Sat and command a sophisticated location for the date. Two drink maximum! Always be on your game.

Professional Player

Uniform: dressed to the "nines". $2500.00 suits, the Rolex, watch and the $50,000 sports car. He needs "props" to assist him in getting what he wants....YOU

Intention: To paint a faux picture of male perfection, using such chivalrous acts such as renown restaurants, material objects and special attention to create a smoke screen that will blur your judgment.

First Date Day: Friday or Sat night. He has to look the part in order to totally misrepresent his intentions.

Location: He is a showman with no truth or depth.
Remember the restaurant is actually a prop, a stage for him to perform. It will be upscale maybe even 5-star.

Time of Date: the appropriate date time for dinner: 7:30 to 9:00pm. He put you in "prime time and first position in hopes his return will be in the bedroom.

Big Play: "The dessert move" He will order chocolate soufflé and after dinner liquors. While you wait for the soufflé he will come across the table sit right next to you and start finger bending your hair and whispering sweet nothings.

Defense: this guy will temporarily "walk the walk" in order to disguise his true intentions. He can't keep it up! Be on your guard, enjoy his show and the minute his act ends… get out of there. Make sure you don't give him any play during the show.

The Player that's not Playin
Uniform: He just looks great! No matter if he wears jeans or a suit. His clothing always is secondary because he is such a pure, true kind of guy.

Intention: to genuinely get to know you.

First Date Day: He is not concerned with what day it is. The day depends on what is good for you. He genuinely wants to get to know you and he will do whatever it takes to get face time with you.

Location: It's completely up to you. This guy is secure and knows that he can show you a great time whether it is sipping hot chocolate on Saturday afternoon or having a 5-star dinner on a Friday night.

Time of Date: Whatever is appropriate to spend quality time with you.

Big Play: Spontaneity! He thrives on his ability to be creative, exciting and passionate. He will go to any extreme to make sure every moment you spend with him is like nothing you have experienced with anyone else.

Defense None, in this case, your best defense is a great offense! Be open, receptive and not afraid! Do not fall into the he’s too good to be true syndrome. Embrace him…you deserve it.

 Rooster of Playettes 
Miss Materialistic

Uniform: Gucci, Prada, Dolce or otherwise. What she has to offer is completely on the surface and is in her appearance. There is absolutely no depth here.

Intention: to increase her social standing through your checkbook.
First Date Day: she will only go with you on a Friday or Sat night. Unless of course it's shopping then any day or time will do!

Location: Usually its 5-star restaurants that have one word names (super trendy places. She will make an exception for The Four Seasons or maybe The Ritz Carlton. Yes to many words in the name but a great social scene.

Time of Date: after 9pm, because that's when all the other guys with money can see her.

Big Play: actually agreeing to the date, standing next to you and giving you eye contact.

Defense: Knowing where you stand. If you need a little eye candy for an event or to make an ex- girlfriend jealous, she is perfect. To think of her in any deep, substantive and long term relationship is detrimental to your mind and wallet.

Miss Instant Family
Uniform: sexy baby doll dresses that hide maternity blouses that are underneath and ready to go.
Intention: create a meaningful relationship at light speed in order to reproduce in record time.

First Day Date: Anytime, day, night.
Location: Anywhere

Time of Date: Anytime at a moments notice

Big Play: the execution of a sexy care free single, independent woman that without notice, morphs into a demanding maternal monster without warning. Her intention is to hopefully have hooked the guy emotionally so he might give her what she desperately wants.

Defense: RUN…fast
Miss Perfection
Uniform: She can look good in anything from a tee shirt and jeans to a Gucci dress. This is possible because she doesn't try.

Intention: to move slowly and diligently without any desperation to truly get to know you. She goes through life without any drama.

First Day Date: she is definitely a Thur, Fri, Sat girl. She been this all her life. She wont except anything else.

Location: something fun, unique and spontaneous. She has been wined and dined before, so she has seen it all. To captivate her and peak her interest, you have to come with something strong.

Time of Date: anytime

Big Play: she is honest, direct and knows what she wants. She will be straight up in letting you know what works for her and what doesn't. She will give you a shot because she is not afraid to fall in love.

Defense: be yourself, don't be afraid to let her into your heart. She truly is not like anyone else you have ever dated. Go for it